joshua (joshuaevan) wrote,
joshua
joshuaevan

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there is a "me" in team.....

i took another whore of a math test today, luckily a smart fellow was sitting next to me and willing to toss a bone my way on a problem that had been skull-fucking me for the better part of an hour. what a nice guy...

looks like i'm sleeping on the couch tonight. i guess my continuance of smoking has made me a nocternal cougher, which has been keeping ash up at nights. i just don't feel like quitting again just yet. at least we cleaned up the office room yesterday, so's i have a place to sleep. i am laughing a bit of the notion of sleeping in separate rooms like we've been married for fifty years, and hated eachother for forty-nine. the girl needs some rest, and unfortunatly i can't be there to watch her fall asleep or look over her after i wake up, anymore. i honestly don't know what is up. it just seems like there is one thing after another that is part of me that requires changing. i know i need to quit smoking, but i will do it when i am ready. i've tried to better myself, and i just feel like i am failing, even when i am my only motivation. it doesn't feel like there is an "I" anymore.
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